If you hide what you really are, then there’s going to be problems in marriage down the road. I don’t mind if a girl is aggressive. It’s just sex.

I’m a Brooklyn guy onstage, and I try to really feed my fans with the kind of material they expect from me.

Whether you’re gay, straight, you can’t tell anybody who to love and who to marry. It’s unconstitutional and it’s morally wrong.

I think the best part of being gay is when you’re done [with sex], you could turn over and talk about football.

When you jerk off, you’re saying “Hey”, I care about me.

If it smells like fish its a dish. If it smells like cologne leave it alone.

I’m a Brooklyn guy onstage, and I try to really feed my fans with the kind of material they expect from me.

I might do cartoonish sexual jokes, but it’s my way of saying what’s going on in the world. How people are animals, really.

By the time kids are 15, they’re drunks and they’re drug addicts and they’re getting chicks pregnant. The parents wonder, “What did I do wrong?” What you did wrong was, you were never there. You had the kid as a status symbol, that’s what went wrong. And you’re paying the price for it.

Little Boy Blue… he needed the money!

As long as you can walk the street and you know there’s a tomorrow, there’s always that chance. That’s how I’ve always been. I’ve always had complete belief that I would make something out of myself again, because to me, it’s always been about accomplishment.

I like when something makes you think after you stop watching.

I just like to make people laugh.

There are very few comics that understand about exciting the crowd, and that’s what I always prided myself on: giving a more confident macho attitude towards delivering material.

Women today are the biggest pigs today in history. They are just the dirtiest, nastiest slobs. I don’t know how old your chick is, but the truth of the matter is they’ve become the aggressors. You know? They’re upset if you’re not balls deep in them by half way through the first date! They think you don’t like them.

I always just loved women, but more important than loving women, more important than sexual stuff, is I always believed in romance.

I lived in Beverly Hills for years. I always had a line, ‘I hate the rich.’ From what I witnessed after living there for 15 years, these people just don’t raise their kids. I used to see the lineup of cars in front of the schools and it was all the nannies.

I’m not the greatest husband – I’ve got a girlfriend. It doesn’t really please my wife, but then if I was looking to please her I wouldn’t have a girlfriend. I mean she knows about it, and I guess she’s okay with it. Plus my kids like both of them.