Twitter is basically just writing a bunch of one-liners – it’s a short form or whatever.

When ‘Titanic‘ came out on VHS, I was working at a Sam‘s Club, which is already the worst. I don’t know what you know about working for the Walton family, but it’s horrific.

Everybody wants to be Doug Stanhope; everybody wants to be Bill Hicks – and those are great people to aim for, but they had the fundamentals down. They knew how to be funny.

I definitely have friends who gave me a tag for a joke I already had. Like, ‘Here’s another line.’ A tag is, ‘Oooooh, it’s an industry term.’ It’s like, there’s the punchline, and a tag is like a secondary punchline.

I was living in upstate New York, in Kingston – small town, no comedy scene except for my friends and I doing these DIY shows and whatnot. And we put together this thing called the ‘Altercation Punk Rock Comedy Tour.’

I hated ‘Avatar‘ from the jump. And I like James Cameron. I’m not opposed to James Cameron.

If you have any sense, if you’re any good at comedy, you come to Austin.

The goal is doing stand-up on TV somewhere, which is what I’m working on. Something on latenight or Comedy Central, but – I dunno, something. It could happen, it could not happen.

There’s a difference between hiring writers and stealing jokes.