Keep the change, Gin,” McCallister said in a smarmy, mocking voice. “Consider it an early Christmas present.” “Aw,” I drawled. “A whopping thirteen cents. You’re too kind, Jonah. Why, you‘d put Ebezener Scrooge to shame with your bighearted generosity.

As part of my Christmas present I’d be giving chickens to a family in Nepal through the Heifer Foundation. I think they expanded my world when I was young to know sort of the other issues that were going on globally.

You might be a redneck if your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

My mother, she had a very good attitude toward money. I’m very grateful for the fact that we had to learn to save. I used to get like 50 pence a week, and I’d save it for like five months. And then I’d spend it on Christmas presents. I’d save up like eight pounds. It’s nothing, but we did that.

I am the worst at keeping secrets. I am the kind of person that the second I buy someone a Christmas present, I tell them what I bought them. I don’t wait until Christmas. I’m not good at it.

The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can’t charge it.

I grew up poor, but I didn’t really know it because of amazing places like the Salvation Army where we got a lot of our Christmas presents from.

There’s a schizoid quality to our relationship with animals, in which sentiment and brutality exist side by side. Half the dogs in America will receive Christmas presents this year, yet few of us pause to consider the miserable life of the pig – an animal easily as intelligent as a dog – that becomes the Christmas ham.

The war in Iraq – if Osama was a Christian – it’s the Christmas present he never would have expected.

Every time I get a script in my inbox, it’s like a little Christmas present. It’s so exciting to see what they’ve cooked up.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

For a while I wanted to be a professional baseball pitcher, and then I wanted to be a musician and then sometimes I think I’d like to start a store for gift-wrapping Christmas presents… But I feel I could do most things I set my mind to, except mechanical things, I’m not very good at that.

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday‘ on it. I didn’t want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus‘ on it.

Best thing that’s ever happened to me. I focus so much less on me. It’s made me content, it’s made me happy. It’s like a Christmas present every single day that I get to unwrap. It’s hard work.

My girlfriend is Jewish. But it’s easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.

People say I don’t write books, I make Christmas presents.

Chum was a British boy‘s weekly which, at the end of the year was bound into a single huge book; and the following Christmas parents bought it as Christmas presents for male children.

If you don’t make Christmas presents, meaning making something that’s so emotionally connected to people, don’t talk to me.

Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.

Come in, — come in! and know me better, man! I am the Ghost of Christmas Present. Look upon me! You have never seen the like of me before!

Christmas gift suggestions: To your enemy, forgiveness. To an opponent, tolerance.

Grandchildren now don’t write a thank you for the Christmas presents. They are walking on their pants with their cap on backward, listening to the Enema Man and Snoopy, Snoopy Poop Dog.

The excellence of a gift lies in its appropriateness rather than in its value

The manner of giving is worth more than the gift.

(on being born on Christmas Day, 1924) I was a Christmas present that was delivered unwrapped.

A friend gave me a CD of the ‘Pathetique’ Symphony as a Christmas present. I went home, and I put on the CD expecting to listen to Tchaikovsky. But it started ‘ta ta ta taaa.’ It was too long for me. I didn’t understand it at first, but then I fell in love, in love, in love.

I give out Atlas Shrugged as Christmas presents, and I make all my interns read it.

Christmas, my child, is love in action. Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.

No matter how many Christmas presents you give your child, there’s always that terrible moment when he’s opened the very last one. That’s when he expects you to say, ‘Oh yes, I almost forgot,’ and take him out and show him the pony.

When we were children we were grateful to those who filled our stockings at Christmas time. Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

You can give without loving, but you can never love without giving.

Why are we not grateful to God for filling our stockings with legs?

The best Christmas present I got from my husband was a week to do whatever I wanted.

Wrapping Christmas presents is tough. Even peeling a Mandarin orange is tough. I have to get my kids to help me.

Christmas Eve was a night of song that wrapped itself about you like a shawl. But it warmed more than your body. It warmed your heart…filled it, too, with melody that would last forever.

It is surprising that people are snapping photos and stuff and then putting them on the internet. For me, it is like, “Why would you want to do that?” It would be like knowing what your Christmas presents were before Christmas morning.

I’m kind of a tech person, a nerd. I’ve always been the person who, when we got our Christmas presents, knew how to work them and set them up; the racecars, whatever. Sit me down in front of a computer program, I’ll be fine.

Sometimes the best Christmas present is remembering what you’ve already got.

Don’t let the past steal your present. This is the message of Christmas: We are never alone.

The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.