Never place a period where God has placed a comma.

I often put boiling water in the freezer. Then whenever I need boiling water,I simply defrost it.

I read a book twice as fast as anybody else. First, I read the beginning, and then I read the ending, and then I start in the middle and read toward whatever end I like best.

Try to understand me. Nothing is impossible.

Brains, integrity, and force may be all very well, but what you need today is Charm. Go ahead and work on your economic programs if you want to, I’ll develop my radio personality.

A friend asked her doctor if a woman should have children after thirty-five. I said, “Thirty-five children is enough for any woman.

My mind works so fast. When I think of something I say it. Lots of times I say it even before I think of it.

My husband will never chase another woman. He’s too fine, too decent, too old.

Some people are amazed at my brain, but really it’s nothing.

I really don’t act. I just live what George and I are doing. It has to make some sort of sense to me, or it won‘t ring true. No matter what the script says, there’s no audience and no footlights and no camera for me. There’s no make-believe. It’s for real.

The President of today is just the postage stamp of tomorrow.

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.

They laughed at Joan of Arc, but she went right ahead and built it.

We favor putting Congress on a commission basis. Pay them for results. If they do a good job and the country prospers, they get 10% of the extra take.

This used to be a government of checks and balances. Now it’s all checks and no balances.

Gracie: “Don’t give up, Blanche. Women don’t do that. Look at Betsy Ross, Martha Washington-they didn’t give up. Look at Nina Jones.” Blanche Morton: “Nina Jones?” Gracie: “I’ve never heard of her either, because she gave up.”

I don’t see what difference it makes what side it’s [your bread] buttered on. I always eat both sides.

When my mother had to get dinner for 8 she’d just make enough for 16 and only serve half.

Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.

Classic Recipe for Roast Beef: 1 large Roast of beef 1 small Roast of beef Take the two roasts and put them in the oven. When the little one burns, the big one is done.