Parenthood Funny Quotes

Parenthood Funny Quotes by Fran Lebowitz, H. Jackson Brown, Jr., William Feather, Umberto Eco, Bill Cosby, Phyllis Diller and many others.

Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.
I believe that what we become depends on what our fathers teach us at odd moments, when they aren’t trying to teach us. We are formed by little scraps of wisdom.
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Having children is like living in a frat housenobody sleeps, everything‘s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.
The most important thing that parents can teach their children is how to get along without them.
The human heart was not designed to beat outside the human body and yet, each child represented just that – a parent’s heart bared, beating forever outside its chest.
I don’t remember who said this, but there really are places in the heart you don’t even know exist until you love a child.
There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
It is one thing to show your child the way, and a harder thing to then stand out of it
In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything. You just need a lot of love and luck – and, of course, courage.
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
I think once you sign on to be a mother, that’s the only shift they offer.
When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.
You don’t have to deserve your mother’s love. You have to deserve your father’s.
If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.